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Why Is Change So Hard?

To make a change, there are two basic things we need to know:

1. Where we are; and,

2. Where we are going.

You may have read that and immediately thought, “duh, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out!” And you’re right, but it does take a substantial amount of courage to be honest enough with ourselves to acknowledge our current state of being – where we are.

One reason we deny ourselves our truth is because being honest with ourselves means we must dig below the surface and do the hard work, asking the hard questions. For example, let’s say we like designer clothes. We could ask ourselves questions like, “Do I like these clothes because of the fashion appeal and quality, or, do I like them because they are expensive and wearing them makes me feel set apart or on a higher social status than others?” Only we know the answer to questions like this, but we all know what we would want to make ourselves believe is our answer…although our truth may be quite different.

Another reason we lie to ourselves (and others), is because we live in a world full of people waiting to judge our every move. And this judgment is scary. We must, however, consider the costs and choose our scary. Are we more afraid of other people’s judgment, or are we more afraid of never knowing, accepting, loving, and presenting our true selves?

Lastly, because many of us are conditioned to operate in a state of survival. We are used to becoming who we need to become in the moment versus taking the time and the space to present as the person we truly are.

So, I guess the question becomes, “How do we evolve to a place where we are comfortable with who we are?”

My answer: Stop doing all the things you do to avoid you! Stop filling up every minute of every day. Look at yourself in the mirror when you wash your hands and when you brush your teeth. Leave the lights on in the bathroom when you take your shower. Stand boldly…naked…with no shame…and be willing to ask yourself the hard questions like:

  • Who am I?

  • What am I afraid of?

  • What do I think about when I give my mind permission to wander?

  • Why can’t I get him/her out of my mind?

Just the thought of unpacking all the layers to get to the core of me was daunting. However, I can assure you, it was worth it. I now know that had I not done it, I would have never been able to begin to find my way.

Imagine being in a mall and looking at one of those maps showing you where all of the stores are. Then, you locate the store you want to find, BUT there is no “You Are Here” sticker.

The store is where you’re trying to go in life…your goal.

And, YOU are the missing “You Are Here” sticker!!

This, my friends, is why most of us struggle with making positive change. We know where we want to go, but sometimes we haven’t the slightest idea of where or who we are.

Let’s commit to doing the hard work!

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