I'm tryna find a f**k to give...but, not at the expense of losing myself!
For most of my life, I did what I thought I was supposed to do based on the expectations I thought others had of me. It caused anxiety, an unhealthy strive for perfection, and pure discontentment. One day, I decided there was no way I could commit to living a life to please other human beings. So, I embarked on a journey to find me. I know I was not physically lost, but my identity was so wrapped up in the perceptions and expectations of others that I didn’t know where that stopped and where I began. I had to start peeling off the layers one by one. I began to evaluate everything and everyone. I started asking myself questions like: Does this serve me? Is it/he/she beneficial for my soul? Would I do this if I did not think they expected me to do it? Do I care? Does this help further my life’s purpose? Am I getting out of it what I put in? Bit by bit, I started releasing and purging those things that no longer served me. This process, however, is not easy because I’m releasing pieces of what I allowed to become my identity. But this process is worth it because I am allowing my true self the space it needs to shine...to live. I have lost people along the way, but that is okay because I accept that everyone is not intended to travel my life’s journey. I have had people say negative things about me throughout the process, but that is okay too because people don’t always know how to respond when you take your power back and start implementing boundaries. I know, I know… some of you have made it this far and are saying, well what about living for God? So, let’s talk about it... I always want to be certain that Love and God shine through my actions - shine through my being. God is within me. God’s guidance is what is leading me back to me. You see, the God I know would not have created me to take on the responsibility of ensuring someone else’s happiness while neglecting my own. So... Do I love other people - Undoubtedly! Do I give of myself to other people - Certainly! Will I do either of these things at the expense of losing myself - Not another single day!! Going forward, as I go through my evaluation process, just know (like Jazmine Sullivan said) “I’m tryna find a f*** to give,” but if I can’t find it...it is because (drum roll please) I chose me!