If we are honest, most of us can probably admit that some days are like “pity party heaven.” I do not really know what pity party heaven is…I just made it up. But it sounds like it is the perfect retreat for pity parties, right? On these days, we may wake up feeling kind of blah. Then, because we feel blah, we allow our minds to go down this tornado like spiral where we start thinking about everything in life that could have possibly gone bad for us. And before we know it – well, we are fussing at the kids, yelling at our partner, slamming car doors, losing our keys, and spilling our coffee! I bet you are wondering if I have cameras in your house, huh?
But here is the irony, most of the time we cannot even pinpoint why we were ever mad. And, according to this incident, the only thing we know is that we woke up feeling kind of blah. And God knows, I hope we are not just out here spiraling because we woke up! I mean, let us just pause for a moment and consider the alternative.
After some deep digging, here is what I found out about myself…
At times, to cope with difficult things, I have used an avoidance technique. In other words, I have pretended to ignore the hard thing…the hard person…the hard conversation. While my ego would like to think this technique is allowing me to operate as the “bigger person,” I had really been setting myself up for these unanticipated and highly undesirable spirals. Avoidance can cover up a thing for a while, but it is not a lasting way to cope…at least not for me.
Consider the junk drawer at your house. It is easy to find a random object that you have no place for at home and throw it in this drawer. But throwing it in this drawer does not mean it can stay there forever and serve its purpose. It just means it has a temporary home to hide until you put it in its proper place. So that thing…the thing we avoid by not thinking about it…it is only hiding in the junk drawers of our minds until we put it in its proper place. And, before putting it in its place, we must process and digest it.
If we choose not to do this, when we wake up feeling kind of blah…we also will likely give our minds permission to open our junk drawers!
I work hard to process my issues in real time; however, I still have my moments. And when these moments come, I give myself permission to feel. However, I have also incorporated the following things into my routine to promote emotional harmony.
1. I stay hydrated. Listen up…water can work wonders! When I drink it, I visualize the negativity being flushed out of my body. Additionally, being hydrated gives me extra energy which is sometimes exactly what I need to push past the blah feeling.
2. I give myself a time limit for the pity party. Yes, I feel my feels. No, I cannot live in my feels. This means I give my feelings boundaries. I welcome them. I commit to being with them, but they know they are only guests and are not permitted to take up permanent residency.
3. I habitually practice gratitude. I know practicing gratitude is somewhat of a buzz phrase now; however, I cannot express to you enough how much this helps. Redirecting my thoughts of lack, comparison, and/or wishful thinking to gratitude allows me to acknowledge all the miracles happening right before my very eyes.
Love is…giving yourself permission and grace to feel but understanding that you have power over your feelings.
Note: This blog should not be used for clinical purposes. Please seek medical attention if you are experiencing excessive sadness that interferes with your daily activities.
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