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Being Too Nice Can Be One of Your Greatest Weaknesses

Being nice never got me what I needed…

I used to pride myself on being “nice” until I realized that this was nothing to brag about. You see, in my opinion, “nice” is not an outcome or an admirable character trait. Moreover, being nice is a symptom. And in my case, it was a symptom of wanting to please others. I have always been the person that has genuinely wanted everyone to “win” by any means necessary…at whatever costs. Sometimes, the cost has been a great sacrifice – my dreams, my money, my time, my relationship, my family’s quality of life, my sleep, and my mind.

The irony is…this symptom also served as a cure because it constantly fed my ego. And it was not until I was able to separate my ego from myself that I even realized I was in a dire situation. My problems…I cared more about other people’s feelings than I cared about my own. I cared more about how other people perceived me than I cared about the person I was truly supposed to be. I was willing to allow other people to continuously eat from me and fill their belly’s. All the while I was deteriorating.

This weight that I had chosen to carry got heavy. The heavier it got, the emptier I got. I started “crying” out for help. But the issue was, I did not cry with tears…I cried with a smile – so people only responded by taking more and more from me. It was not their fault. I take full responsibility because no one could take from me what I did not allow. But just like a battery, my juice ran out. I got to a place where I had nothing left to give. My only remaining choice was to give in and let go of my ego.

This process took time and deep self-reflection, but here is what I learned.

1. Being nice and readily available to people does not fix them or their problems. In fact, many times, it can do the exact opposite. I sat in a therapy session once and explained everything I had going on…well, everything everyone else had going on because none of it really had anything to do with me. After I finished talking, my therapist looked at me and asked, “Why do you pick up the phone every time? Why don’t you give them the opportunity to solve their own problems?”