Relationships of any kind are not easy, but these romantic relationships…Woosahhhh!!! I mean, they take everything you’ve got and then some! There is no quick fix, and navigating the tough times takes hard work, but I can give you three things that will make a BIG difference quickly!!
1. Take Time for You Without Them
It is not possible to be your best self for others if you are not your best self! Taking time for you looks different for everyone because it has everything to do with how you refuel. I have read a few articles lately that attempt to govern what self-love is and what self-love is not. For example, one article concluded, self-love is not being alone in the bathroom or taking a shower. And I understand the author may have been reminding people that these things are basic life necessities. But, if I am honest, sometimes self-love for me is taking a long, hot shower. In fact, often, in the shower is where I meet God.
Figure out what reenergizes you and commit to doing more of those things! No one else can dictate how you refuel - only you know this.
2. If You Need Something – Say Something
Unless otherwise discovered, your partner is not your in-house psychic. I used to think, “If I have to ask, then I don’t want it because it won’t be as meaningful.” I guess I thought the action would not be organic enough. But this was such a backwards thought process. What other relationships (outside of romantic relationships) do we apply this logic?
When our children are hungry, they let us know. If we feel we deserve a raise, we ask the boss. If we are at a friend’s house and we are cold, we ask to turn up the heat. BUT, if we want more sex, or more quality time from our partners – we think they are supposed to be able to magically intercept our thoughts and act?!?! Yeah…this is not likely, and it is a bit unrealistic.
I started telling myself the same thing I tell my kids, “use your words.”
3. Set Consumption Boundaries
According to a 2020 article on Forbes.com (Global Online Content Consumption), John Koetisier informs us that we spend about 6 hours and 59 minutes each day consuming content. While some intake is inevitable, it should be noted that this consumption does impact our ability to create and nurture our relationships…of any kind.
It is easy to start comparing our realities to other people’s highlight reels. We also tend to be more distracted - causing us to spend less quality time with our partners (emphasis on quality).
When I noticed this becoming a problem for me – I implemented time periods throughout the week where I eliminated technology. Consider it! You will be amazed at some of the nostalgic activities you all will find yourselves enjoying!
While there is no rule book and no step-by-step guide to doing relationships the right way...be committed to trying different things and sticking with the things that work for you!